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A little bit of humor to start or end your day

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More airplane humor:

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Cannot raise landing gear while aircraft is on the ground.
S: This is not a recommended procedure.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Mind if I take this and share with one of my aviation friends?
 

MEP001

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No, it's not mine. I first got it in an email over 25 years ago.
 

I.B. Washincars

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I pass by this ancient mailbox every day on my way to work. The old rusty box is nailed to an oak that has to be 150 years old. After 3 years of passing it by I decided to open the box to see if anything was inside. After all, there isn’t even a house nearby to which it could possibly serve anyway. Any home it serviced was long ago torn down I’m sure. I noticed an ancient letter inside. I looked at the post mark date and it said July 7, 1903. Due to age and moisture the addressee on the envelope was not readable, so I opened up the envelope hoping to find some local history and a good story I could share with you. Here is what the letter inside said. “We have been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.”
 

soapy

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Check out a you tube video by comedian Peter Kay called misheard lyrics for a quick laugh.
 

washnshine

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Yowza, this is as close to a CCW draw and shoot as you can get, especially if my family was in the car.
The lighter would've been go time.
Yes. This was not wise at all and could have ended very badly.
 

OurTown

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Yowza, this is as close to a CCW draw and shoot as you can get, especially if my family was in the car.
The lighter would've been go time.

I didn't want to initially say that but yeah, you could get away with that in Cali (very few CCWs) but it might have ended badly elsewhere. The prank idea was clever but they were extremely aggressive toward the car wash customers.
 
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